An Honest Confession

Well, Life is a roller coaster for all of us n some way or the other. There are ups’ and downs’ of everyone’s life. But how long a phase generally lasts? We can predict the stock markets to some extent. Analysts always say if the shares are going strong all way long, then some drama is going on which has to end sooner or later to bring the market to its knees. Basically, its the Newton’s third law, which clearly says that to every action, there is equal and opposite reaction. Now, you may wonder what and why am I talking so, that also after posting something after a long time.

Well, I want to talk something about myself today. I really don’t know where I made the first mistake of my life. If I go back, I remember that my father insisted me to go to Pilani Boarding school. Citing stupid emotional circumstances, I convinced my mother to come to my rescue and as expected, I stayed with my parents to study in a decent government school in a small town. So, what does it gave me in the class V? Prior and premature knowledge of all the desi slangs and my first exposure to prono. There was a time, I remember, when I could not speak a single sentence in Hindi without a slang, especially when I used to be in the circle of my so-called friends. But I must confess, it was my father and mother (they are so simple and clean) that made me feel so guilty that I ultimately was able to come out of this horrible experience.

From there, I moved to Vishakapatnam. It was a big and good city. but immediately after 1 year, I made yet another fucking mistake. We moved back to our native state, for the first time. Though father got transferred, but my reason of going for it was I was too uncomfortable in the telugu language. I really don’t understand why the fuck people don’t try to learn a single language which can be understood all through the country when India has such a beautiful language like Hindi. Blame it on our geography, politics or the fucking attitude of the people, it will never change. People will continue to speak in their own language only.

Well, passed Xth in 1998 and yet another fucking decision. I choose to study in a semi-government college ignoring the government college at Puri, which is highly ranked in the state. The reason: want to be with some known people as most of my school friends were joining the college, yet another fucking story. Passed High School in 2000. Now, what. No Medical; just Engineering.

The inspiration of Engineering came from my Uncle, mother’s sister’s husband. He inspired with some glorious stories of his friends who moved to USA for a better and luxurious life after completing Computer Science Degree. He also tried hard to get me an admission in a good college at Bangalore with a donation, but I rejected it to study the same fucking Computer Science and Engineering Degree at a private college in Bhubaneswar. Here, I did three mistakes: One, choose to study Computer Science neglecting some core Engineering branches at the good government colleges, Two, I choose to stay at home again and most importantly, I did not weight the thing Uncle joined Air Force when his friends moved to USA. How come I missed some very crucial threads?

Then came 4 years of what study I don’t know. Quite a lot of time, there were strikes and conflicts at the college. All nuisances at one place. Plus, one of the biggest lesson of my life. A girl ran into me. Though she is happily married now and I continue t have a cordial friendly relationship with her now also, that was one of the biggest lesson of my life. A BIG NO to any Oriya-medium and Orissa-born and brought up girl in my life. There is simply no place for any such girl in my life. The very first requirement that I built for my to-be wife was that. But mind you, I am not rejecting any Oriya-Girl, it’s just no Oriya-medium or Orissa born and brought up girl. The awkward situation at that time was the girl seems to have an affair with a lecturer and he ran into me to such an extent that he was prepared to give me a F-Grade in the semester examination and that also, without any fault.

The trough starts to deepen here. By the time, I passed out in October 2004, I was trying for my second attempt at CAT though eventually it turned out to be a horrible experience for me like always. But my meeting with Jnan Mamu at his village changed my vision for my life. I still remember one statement from him “Once you are there, there is only SKY for the limit”. I am always told and my parents still say that one should only stretch his legs so far to cover himself in the blanket only and I am physically and mentally quite opposite to it. So, with him I came to know about Professor Sadagopan and IIITB and I managed to get into that institute for MTech. I don’t know why I continued to stay in the technical field though I knew that I am always a wrong person to this field, though being better than a hell lot of so-called stupid and idiot software developers.

There were some good things at IIITB: my interaction with Professor Sadagopan, Professor Damodar Acharya, Narayana Murhty, Sudha Murthy, Nandan Nilekani, Rohini Nilekani; my IEEE publication. Yet again, I continued to make mistakes. I choose to rush for internship at Motorola India Research Labs through my research professor’s recommendation, which I avoided completely to rectify the mistake during my final placements after 5 months. During final placements, I decided to completely relied on my own guts and got the highest number of offers on the first day of the placements in our batch. My obvious reason was simple: it offered the highest package in the campus and my MTech has given a debt of around 3 lakhs. I planned to wind up the loan in one year, which I did of course, by now but what did not happen as per the plan was another biggest debacle of my life: I screwed my first attempt to GMAT.

I don’t blame anyone for the rot. It showed me a different world, a world which was always in my dreams. USA is a place for risk-takers, a place for dreamers with no stupid societal chains. My parents want me to get married like a lot of my friend who are already married or are getting married, few already had children too. One of my close friend, Manas, surprised me today with the photo of his son. He completely freaked me out. Come on, how someone can have a child when he gets married in February this year only. With me, I have to get out of this self-created deep nostalgic rot and then, I need to get along with the girl for about an year before committing to her but yes the rot has taught me not get along with an IT girl. They suck with no fun in life, but a simple boring life of sitting n from of a so-called intelligent idiot box.

What am I going to do now? A good question to find a answer for. Probably, try yet another attempt for GMAT or try getting H1B visa to move to USA. Not sure as of now, but I still believe I will do my MBA one day form a good US B-school. I have decided to carry the “FUCK YOU” attitude. I don’t care what the fuck is going to happen to anyone, I need to fulfill my dreams in this birth of life and I am determined to achieve it. If I am in a rot, then I am only responsible for it and I have to only move out of it and I will.

A lot of my bachelor-time friends are already abroad, some even after getting huge backlogs in their career, they are enjoying their foreign visa and life abroad and few good friends like Manu are still struggling to find an answer like for what we studied when they were having fun. SO, life teaches a lot and my fight with my fate will just get stronger because in no way, I am going to give up. I wll make tons of money like noone else can think in their life. My children will get a good life for growth and an environment where their decsions will be of foremost importance. I want to show my parents a world where people work and do according to their wills and not some stupid society. I may sound a rebellion to my Indian community but thats how I am and in no way, I am going to change and nor do my aspirations, atleast not in this birth for sure.

Disclaimer: In no form, the above perceptions can be related to any particular individual or organization. In case done so, I take no responsibility and the firm/individual will be doing so for its own insecurity, thus, proving the negative effects mentioned being followed by themselves.

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